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| EDIT: hehe~ coincidentally, the awesome George Takei just posted this pic up on Facebook and I just had to share because it's so applicable~ ^^ |
As a few of you might know, I initially started this blog to review stuff -- really, anything and everything -- but recently I've noticed that a lot of the people around me seem to be unhappy for one reason or another so I wanted to write a post about this because it makes me really sad to see all of these amazing people losing confidence in themselves and their ability to be happy.
Of course, everything that follows is merely my opinion so please don't take it as gospel and if you have a different point of view, please feel free to share :)
Anyway... to start off, I want to talk about acceptance. Whether it is acceptance of others or of yourself, this is the first step towards achieving happiness. I so often hear people saying that they don't have anything to offer, or that if one thing about them were taken away, they wouldn't have anything left to bring to the table. That is simply not true. People are not one dimensional creatures (except maybe Kristen Stewart...); we are not defined by any single aspect of our being and by nature, we are constantly finding new ways to add to who we are.
So really, to believe that you have only one or nothing to offer the world is kind of like denying the truth of your existence that you are a multi-faceted individual whose ability to be happy is not governed by any one aspect of your self.
Trust and acceptance. I really believe that developing an attitude of trust and acceptance is the key to overcoming the lack of confidence which seems to affect so many people (myself included). I'm currently taking a creative writing course with Liliane Grace (author of The Mastery Club) which is in some ways also a course in personal development. Anyway, one of the first things that she said to us was that the key to overcoming writer's block and 'busting the talent myth' is to simply put aside your inner critic and to just approach your writing and your ideas with an attitude of trust and acceptance, because it is really just a fear of failure which blocks our creative process.
By the same token, if in our everyday lives we actively chose to give our inner critics a grounding, to trust in our ability to achieve our goals (within reason... no jumping off buildings in an attempt to fly), and to learn to accept ourselves for who we are and for what we have to offer, wouldn't we be able to overcome the 'block' in our lives?
Admittedly, if you have been living with a negative mindset for a long time, it can be a huge challenge to even begin to see what you have to offer, but believe me, it's there. You just have to be willing to look.
Which brings me to my second point that happiness is a choice, not an inevitability. Without a doubt, at some point (or several) in your existence, life -- being the sadistic beesh that it is -- is going to throw everything that it has at you, and more. And even if you make it out, it won't be without a price.
Quite often, this will be your confidence in yourself and what you believe you can (and can't) achieve. If your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you, you might start to believe that you are incapable of maintaining a successful relationship or that you are incapable of making anyone happy.
If you fail an exam or a university unit (sometimes more than once) you might start to think that you're stupid because no matter how hard you study, you never get the result that you hope for. You might even begin to think that you're not cut out for higher education and consider quitting your studies.
My question is, why are you choosing to give up your hopes and dreams instead of choosing to try again, perhaps with a different approach? Why are you choosing to allow sadness -- and yes, the sting of failure -- to dig its claws into you instead of shaking it off and allowing yourself even the slightest chance to achieve happiness. Remember that those goals, those hopes and dreams that you initially had, existed for a reason... so why give up on them if it means that you're only going to be miserable and/or hate yourself later on?
Happiness is a choice, so choose to make the commitment.
And finally, don't 'catastrophise'. Human beings have an inherently amazing ability to adapt to their situations, but over-thinking can lead to overly dramatic reactions to even the smallest things and negative thinking which in turn yields even more negative results.
Example A:
You are in charge of organising a social event. At the last minute, several of your friends cancel and you discover that the venue has forgotten to enter your booking into their system.
You have two options:
(a) chuck a tantrum/ panic/ break down and cry; or
(b) explain the situation to the friends who are present and figure out what to do together.
Example B:
You have been in a relationship with someone for a while when, out of the blue they break up with you. When you ask for an explanation, they avoid giving you an answer or, at best, give you incredibly vague responses that you can't really make sense of.
You once again have two options:
(a) chuck a hissy fit which involves a lot of name-calling and tears/ become incredibly hostile and refuse to talk to or acknowledge the person ever again, leading to incredibly awkward encounters and, if you have mutual friends, social events/ become vindictive and start spreading rumours about the other person in an attempt to get back at them for hurting you; or
(b) try to see things from the other person's perspective and talk through the issue with them, or, if they are unwilling to talk things through, accept that that person probably wasn't for you and move on. After all, a relationship is, at its very core, a commitment by two people to work though challenges together. If one person doesn't want to make that commitment to you, then you are probably better off without them. As cliche as it sounds, if a person merely treats you as an option, why compromise your happiness with them when there will be others who will treat you like a priority? And there WILL be others.
Example C:
You're a university student who has just failed a unit or three. You tell your parents and, as expected, they are extremely disappointed in you and don't hesitate to let you know it.
You have (you guessed it~) two options:
(a) soak up your parents' criticism like a sponge and let it dampen the rest of your university experience by severely affecting your academic confidence and giving you performance anxiety (mind out of the gutter people!) which in turn finds you up for expulsion from your course a semester later because your inability to concentrate on your studies caused you to fail over 50% of your enrollment for the year; or
(b) choose to learn from your experience, shake off the negativity and concentrate on finding a more effective method of study which will help to improve your grades while at the same time, attending university-run seminars on stress management and exam preparation.
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I think that by now I've made my point; rather than letting our situations or mistakes drag us down, why not choose to see them for the learning experiences that they are? Giving up and sinking into a negative spiral may be the easiest thing to do, but it is simply that: an easy way out.
And ultimately, we shouldn't let our failures/ failings define us because we are, all of us, so much more than that~ ♪ :)
♥
Is there anyone in your life who has inspired you?
